As if we weren't already tired enough, ABC is out here playing games with us.
The network just revealed the names, faces, ages, occupations and hometowns of the men vying for the heart of Katie Thurston, the newest star of The Bachelorette, and something is...amiss. There are 29 men and one mysterious box, for some reason. Instead of "Garrett, 29, a software marketing manager from Salinas, CA," we get, "??????, ??, in a box from ??????."
You wanna know our first guess about what's in the box? A vibrator. Not only would that go right along with Katie's now iconic limo entrance from the last season of The Bachelor, but it would also provide a genius twist. Katie could pick a man, or she could just pick a vibrator. You don't have to worry about a vibrator cheating, or breaking up with you, or saying or doing anything that could be considered racist!
We're guessing that's not what's happening here, but wouldn't it be fun if it were?
Anyway, let's look at some dudes.
There are 29 of them, and they range in ages from 25 to 36. There are two Andrews and two Connors, though one Connor spells it like "Conor." There's a Brandon and a Brendan, and three men who have the word "software" in their job description. One man is a dancer, one man sells zippers (maybe, if we're reading that right) and one is a "surgical skin salesman."
We're totally sure that surgical skin sales are on the up and up, but we also can't help but worry that Jeff could also be a creative and entrepreneurial serial killer.
All our best to Katie! Scroll down to meet all of the guys, and the box, we guess.
Blake
30, a wildlife manager from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
Greg
27, a marketing sales rep from Edison, NJ.
Justin
26, an investment sales consultant from Baltimore, MD.
Michael
36, a business owner from Akron, OH.
ELIMINATED: Andrew S.
26, a pro football player from Vienna, Austria.
ELIMINATED: Brendan
26, a firefighter trainee from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
ELIMINATED: Mike
31, a gym owner from San Diego, CA.
ELIMINATED: Aaron
26, an insurance agent from San Diego, CA.
ELIMINATED: James
30, a software salesman from La Jolla, CA.
ELIMINATED: Tre
26, a software engineer from Covington, GA.
ELIMINATED: Hunter
34, a software strategist from Houston, TX.
ELIMINATED: Connor B.
29, a math teacher from Nashville, TN.
ELIMINATED: Andrew M.
31, a deputy district attorney from Newport Beach, CA.
ELIMINATED: Josh
25, an IT consultant from Miami, FL.
ELIMINATED: Quartney
26, a nutrition entrepreneur from Dallas, TX.
ELIMINATED: Christian
26, a real estate agent from Boston, MA.
ELIMINATED: Conor C.
28, a former baseball player from Costa Mesa, CA.
ELIMINATED: David
27, a technical product specialist from Nashville, TN.
ELIMINATED: Thomas
28, a real estate broker from Poway, CA.
ELIMINATED: Garrett
29, a software marketing manager from Salinas, CA.
ELIMINATED: John
27, a bartender from Pacific Beach, CA.
ELIMINATED: Karl
34, a motivational speaker from Miami, FL.
ELIMINATED: Kyle
26, a technical recruiter from Fort Lauderdale, FL.
ELIMINATED: Cody
27, a zipper sales manager from San Diego, CA.
ELIMINATED: Gabriel
35, an entrepreneur from Charlotte, NC.
ELIMINATED: Brandon
26, an auto parts manager from Queens, NY.
ELIMINATED: Jeff
31, a surgical skin salesman from Jersey City, NJ.
ELIMINATED: Landon
25, a basketball coach from Dallas, TX.
ELIMINATED: Austin
25, a real estate investor from Mission Viejo, CA.
ELIMINATED: Marcus
30, a real estate broker from Portland, OR.
The Bachelorette premieres Monday, June 7 at 8 p.m. on ABC.