Clearly running on all cylinders (and then some!): "The global inferno that is me, is now as molten and focused as my afterburners."
On people who call him crazy or bipolar:
"It's winning behavior. All these people are coming out as so called experts, and I have to scoff at their silliness because they've never met the man," he said. "I must dismiss them with the flick of my finger, buh-bye. Sizzle. Losing. Buh-bye."
On, uh, cockroaches:
"A yellow cockroach is a low form of a cockroach. It's a coward of a cockroach."
On why he was kind of sorry he called Jon Cryer a "turncoat":
"I'll apologize to Jon right now, I was in a mood and I threw that out to somebody [E! News]. I didn't know they—well, I kinda knew they were gonna print it, yeah I knew they were gonna print it. I confuse myself," said Sheen. "It's a little bit a half apology. An apol.
On (former) Two and a Half Men costar Jon Cryer: "Jon has not called me. He's a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he's a troll...Is it gonna take me calling him a 'traitor, juvenile and scared' for him to get it?...When I'm starring in multimillion-dollar films and he's begging me for a supporting role, I'll say, 'You left me out in the cold with all of your guilt and stupidity.'" (E! News)
On being fired from Two and a Half Men: "This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension." (Sheen statement)
During his now-famous machete-wielding moment: "Free at last! This is the greatest day of my life!"
On whether he'll sue CBS, his network home for the last seven-plus years: "CB-who? How do you spell that? S-U-K...?"
His drug of choice: "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." (Good Morning America)
On his pep talk to the UCLA baseball team: "I said stay away from the crack. Which I think is good advice. Unless you can manage it socially. Because if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know." (Dan Patrick radio show)
Does the Pope know about this?: "I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time—and this includes naps—I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground...We murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they're not ready for is guys like you and I...and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that." (The Alex Jones Show)
How the producers of Two and a Half Men don't understand him or his approach to things: "They can't hang with me, their bones would melt like wax." (E! News)
On possibly relapsing: "No, not going to. Period. The end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can't is the cancer of happen." (Good Morning America)
On CBS and Warner Bros. TV shutting down production on Two and a Half Men: "They kept getting up in my grill, telling me how to live my personal life. These guys are a couple of AA Nazis, blatant hypocrites. They don't practice what they preach." (Fox Sports Radio's Loose Cannons )
On his plan to take legal action agains CBS and and Warner Bros. TV: "These fools are so predictable. I'm suing for front end and back end and want them to get out of my personal life. For eight years they were control freaks. Look at what a guy, me, delivers. I don't roll with amateurs. If you wann stay up till Christmas partying, you've got to work. They're complete pussies." (E! News)
Advice for Lindsay Lohan (?!): "Work on your impulse control. Just try to think things through a little bit before you do them." (Dan Patrick radio show)
He's a giver: "I expose peopel to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise going to experience in their normal, boring lives. I may forget about it tomorrow, but they're going to live with that memory the rest of their lives. That's a gift, man." (Good Morning America)
Insisting that he's clean: "Here's your first pee test, next one goes in your mouth; no, you won't get high." (The Alex Jones Show)
On his state of mind: "Bipolar? I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there, now what? I have one gear: Go! I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution. Dying's for fools." (Good Morning America)
Well, he does have "tiger blood and "Adonis DNA": "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't exepect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain." (Today)
A suggestion to his fans: "Find the most comfortable chair in the frickin' house...open a beer and watch the show because it's about to get gnarly." (Fox Sports Radio's Loose Cannons)