Nicole Kidman is looking back at a complicated time.
Though she reached a major career milestone in 2003 when she took home an Oscar for her role in The Hours, Nicole admits she was grappling with a difficult time in her personal life. Not long before her win, she and Tom Cruise finalized their divorce after 11 years of marriage.
"I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well," Nicole told author Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights, according to People. "That's what happens, right?"
In fact, the Big Little Lies star—who shares daughter Isabella, 30, and son Connor, 28, with her ex-husband—recalled she wasn't quite up to celebrating after her big win.
"I'm not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party," she added, "and everyone was like, ‘You've got to go. You've got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award. I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn't feel humble.' Like, what? You can't walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They're like, ‘That's what you do.'"
So, that's just what Nicole did—except she wasn't truly in the moment.
"I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn't enjoy it," she explained. "I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more."
And after leaving the party, the 56-year-old noted a revelation came to her.
"I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel," she shared. "I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That's when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life."
The Undoing alum recalled, "Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.' I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I'm telling you, I'd be out for 24 hours."
And at least some of those hours would no doubt be spent with husband Keith Urban, who she wed in 2006. As the pair—who are parents to Sunday, 14, and Faith, 12—have noted, they'll always be there for each other through all the highs and lows.
"Meeting her and getting married wasn't life-changing, it was life-beginning," Keith told CBS News in 2016. "It was literally, like, 'OK, life starts.'"
Keep reading for a look back at their sweetest moments.
Grand Ole Love
Keith Urban held hands with Nicole Kidman in November 2024 as they walked into Nashville's Grand Ole Opry, where the country singer performed that night.
18th Anniversary in 2024
Keith shared this photo of himself serenading Nicole in an Instagram tribute honoring their 18th wedding anniversary.
2024 AFI Life Achievement Award Gala
It was a family affair for the couple, who were joined by their daughters Sunday Rose (in the floral dress) and Faith Margaret (in the orange gown) at the red carpet event.
Also along for the ride? Nicole's niece Sybella Hawley, sister Antonia Kidman and brother-in-law Craig Marran.
Sweet 16th Anniversary in 2022
Keith shared this selfie on the couple's 16th anniversary.
2021 CMA Awards
The actress lovingly touched her husband's face on the red carpet.
2020 Golden Globes
Keith sweetly held Nicole's hand at the 2020 Golden Globe Awards, where she was nominated in the Best Actress in a TV Series (Drama) category for her work in Big Little Lies.
2019 ACM Awards
This cute moment between the couple was captured at the 2019 ACM Awards.
2019 Australian Open
The actress cuddled up to her husband during the semi-finals match at the Australian Open.
2018 CMA Awards
The fan-favorite couple embraced after Keith's win at the 2018 CMA Awards.
2018 American Songbook Gala
Nicole and Keith embraced onstage during Lincoln Center's American Songbook Gala.
2018 CMAs Selfie
#Selfie! The country singer and actress posed for a picture at the CMA Awards.
2017 Emmys
In this 2017 Emmy Awards pic, it was Keith's turn to look down as Nicole leaned in.
2017 Oscars
The duo was back to staring into each other's eyes, but Nicole made this pic even more sweet by placing her hands on Keith's face.
2017 Film Premiere
The two looked infatuated with each other on the red carpet at the premiere of The Killing of a Sacred Deer.
2017 CMT Artists Of The Year Event
Keith and Nicole shared a sweet moment at the country music gathering.
2017 PDA
The A-list couple shared an intimate kiss in this adorable Facebook picture.
2016 ACM Awards
In this pic, the couple gave a variation of their signature pose. Instead of staring into each other's eyes, Nicole looked down as Keith leaned in to whisper in her ear.
2016 SAG Awards
This candid pic proves that the couple does this pose IRL and not just on the red carpet.
2015 American Idol Finale
The couple strike their signature pose—leaning in and staring into each other's eyes.
2015 London Evening Standard Theatre Awards
The Hollywood couple share a tender moment in front of the cameras.
2013 Cannes Film Festival
Keith and Nicole only had eyes for each other at the film event.