Scott Patterson is all in with this hot take.
The Gilmore Girls star—who played the often crabby but deeply beloved Luke Danes on the series—held nothing back when discussing his thoughts about the romantic prospects for the show’s two leads, Rory (Alexis Bledel) and Lorelai (Lauren Graham).
After all, the discourse around Team Jess (Milo Ventimiglia) versus Team Dean (Jared Padalecki) versus Team Logan (Matt Czuchry) is endless.
“I think they're all bums,” Scott quipped during an exclusive interview with E! News. “I don't want Rory to end up with any of them. They all have bad stuff, man.”
As for what “bad stuff" he means, Scott said of Jess, “He’s out of his head and angry. And maybe he resolved it now that he's older, but it's going to crop up again.”
Of the other two, the 67-year-old continued, “Logan's a spoiled rich kid—imagine them, right? Two kids and 10 years into a marriage, he's going to cheat on her. You know he will. Dean was great until he wasn't. He got very whiny very fast.”
Instead, Scott—who also hosts the Gilmore Girls rewatch podcast I Am All In...Again! with Scott Patterson, an iHeartRadio podcast—hopes Rory sets her sights on a completely new horizon.
“There’s a new energy for her out there, in a new iteration,” he said, before conceding, “She's got to get her act together, too. Then somebody will appear in her life, and she'll be ready for it. But these three guys, they just got her through her teen years. They served their purpose—now go away.”
In fact, the Sullivan’s Crossing alum is no less scathing when it comes to Lorelai’s various love interests. After all, his character was the one who earned that particular happily ever after.
“There’s no ‘Team Luke’—there's no competition,” he said. “I mean, if you're gonna make a Team Luke and a Team Christopher, this poor guy has no chance. Doesn't matter if he's the baby daddy.”
And when it comes to where he imagines Luke and Lorelai are after they tied the knot at the end of 2016’s Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, it’s blissfully unchanged.
“That's the enduring quality of these two characters, is they're not going to change,” he said. “They're both very strong characters, very independent characters, very capable of taking care of themselves. They don't need each other—they want each other. That's powerful. And then they have to fit all the jagged puzzle pieces together, which don't really fit sometimes, and we get to watch that happen and crumble and turn into a disaster, then put the pieces back together.”
As he put it, across seven seasons and a miniseries, “This provided a ton of obstacles for both of us to overcome, to get to the other person. So, it's fun to watch.”
Plus, the characters’ onscreen chemistry was made all the more palpable through Scott and Lauren’s offscreen friendship.
“It was there,” Scott said of their bond. "It was just there.”
He added, “You can't manufacture that. You know when you meet somebody, and it's just instant—it's almost like you share a brain and you anticipate each other's words and sentences, and you find the same things funny. We just clicked. We just clicked right away.”
For a look back at the show's many relationships—in order of worst to best—read on.
19. Lorelai and Digger
He sued her father. He almost destroyed Luke and Lorelai's burgeoning relationship. He went by the nickname Digger. What more do we need to say?
18. Dean and Lindsay
They got married impulsively as teenagers (what a fun trope, said no one ever!) and then he promptly cheated on her. The only thing she got out of this marriage was disappointment and a mean meatloaf recipe.
17. Lorelai and Max Medina
We still can't believe a proposal with a thousand yellow daisies was wasted on a dud like Max Medin-ugh.
16. Luke and Nicole
Remember that time Luke randomly married Nicole on a cruise ship? And then she cheated on him? Yeah, we try to forget about it, too.
15. Paris and Asher Fleming
Ick.
14. Rory and Tristan
Sorry, but the fact that he called her Mary (you know, Virgin Mary?) still creeps us out.
13. Luke and Rachel
Rachel was Luke's first love, whose dreams were just too big for Stars Hollow. She was super-sweet and pushed Luke to realize his feelings for Lorelai. Thanks, girl!
12. Lane and Zack
OK, hear us out: Lane deserved more than Zack, who was a convenient filler for the void left by Adam Brody's exit. Sorry, not sorry. He's the rebound, NOT THE ONE.
11. Kirk and Lulu
Two weirdos, one weird relationship. Not the most epic of romances, but she did deal with his night terrors. So, true love.
10. Lane and Dave Rygalski
Dave was definitely the one that got away (or, you know, ran off to become Seth Cohen on The O.C.). Come on, he inscribed his bible, with "This bible belongs to God but is being borrowed by Dave Rygalski." Swoon City, population: us.
9. Lorelai and Christopher
You never forget your first love...but that doesn't mean you should continue an on-and-off relationship for over a decade. While we liked Christopher, we didn't love these two together, especially when they thought it was OK to run off and get married without Rory (their daughter!) being there. Unforgivable.
8. Paris and Doyle
Fact: These two could take over and run their own country. They were made for each other.
7. Babette and Moury
Sigh, the unsung heroes of Stars Hollow also made up its most solid couple that flew so under the radar you often forgot about them...until you needed a cup of sugar from next door.
6. Rory and Dean
Yes, he made her a car and was her first love. But he also cheated on his wife with Rory. Talk about a great way to lose your virginity. Basically, Dean was ruined for us. Still, their quick reunion during A Year in the Life was random, nostalgic and bittersweet in only the way a catch-up session with your childhood sweetheart can be.
5. Rory and Logan
She made him a better person, and he helped her learn what she really wanted to do with her life. Often over-shadowed by Rory's two other major love interests, Logan is the dark horse among Gilmore's guys...and possibly Rory's (spoiler alert!) baby daddy?! We're going to need another revival STAT.
4. Rory and Jess
Of all Rory's love interests, he was the one that challenged (and frustrated) her the most. The classic bad boy. If only they had met later in life...and watching their brief interaction during the Netflix revival just proved how potent their chemistry still is.
3. Sookie and Jackson
While Lorelai and Rory's love lives were unpredictable and (deliciously) wrought, there was something so sweet and simple about Sookie and Jackson's love story. You always argue over produce with the one you love!
2. Luke and Lorelai
"Will you just stand still?" Fact: These two had the best and most-earned first kiss in the history of first kisses. And everything else was pretty epic, too. (Let's just all pretend April Nardini, Luke's daughter, never showed up and ruined everything, mmmkay?)
1. Richard and Emily
Emily: "No! I did not sign on to your dying. And it is not going to happen. Not tonight, not for a very long time. In fact, I demand to go first. Do I make myself clear?"
Richard: "Yes, Emily. You may go first."
Oh, how much more significance this exchange from the series' original took on in the revival after the 2014 death of star Edward Herrmann. BRB, SOBBING FOREVER.