Ben Stiller couldn’t dodge his kids’ candid thoughts.
In his upcoming documentary Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost—which looks back at his childhood and the relationship between his parents Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara—the Zoolander star also detailed his own journey as a father, which included some though conversations with his and wife Christine Taylor’s children Ella Stiller, 23, and Quin Stiller, 20.
“After a tough day, or if something was going wrong, you can kind of get into your own head,” Quin told his father in the documentary, per Us Weekly. “And when you get into that place, it’s hard to get you out of it. So that would kind of put a damper on the fun part of being on vacation.”
His son explained, “You have all these hats that you’re trying to balance, you know? Being a director, an actor, a producer, a writer. But also just, like, a father. And sometimes, I felt that would come last to these other things.“
Ben also recalled Ella telling him, “I literally can’t ever remember you being around when I was growing up.”
And as the 59-year-old shared, hearing these confessions from his children was hard, as he’d tried to ensure his kids had a better childhood than he did.
“The irony is I thought I was doing so much better than my parents,” Ben admitted in the documentary. “I thought I was pulling it off. I was flying home on weekends and finding special places for the kids to play when they would visit the set. But in reality, just hearing them talk about it, for them, it was the same thing I was going through as a kid and I just couldn’t see that at all at the time.”
And it’s a topic that the Dodgeball star has continued to think about since discussing it with his kids on camera.
“I probably f--ked up more with my kids than my parents did with us,” he confessed to The Sunday Times in an interview published Oct. 11. “My son tells me that being a dad might not have been at the top of my list.”
And while he recalls “things that weren’t happy about my childhood,” Ben added that once he became a parent he realized it was almost “impossible to avoid making the mistakes” his own folks made.
“I feel like I have a really great relationship with my kids,” he shared, “but it’s complicated and has at times been strained. When they were young, I did not get it. I thought, ‘Oh, the kids are young, I can work away and be a good dad earning for the family.’ But the bonds you form with your kids when they’re young are so important.”
And his relationship with his kids was further strained when he and Christine decided to split in 2017—although the two reconciled after living together during the pandemic.
“I feel bad about what us breaking up did to the kids,” he confessed, “but it was possibly the best thing to happen to Christine and me.”
Ben added that the decision “changed our relationship.”
“We don’t take it for granted any more,” he continued, “and if you are happy, you’re going to be a better parent. You have hurdles and try to figure it out, and if you stay, all you can do is acknowledge the past and try to repair. That’s what we have in our family. It’s not perfect—at all. But that’s just life.”
For a look back at Ben, Christine and their children over the years, keep reading.
Reunited
Married since 2000, Ben Stiller and wife Christine Taylor broke up in 2017. However, they never filed for divorce and, after to quarantining together with their kids Ella and Quinlin during the pandemic, they reconciled for good.
Father-Daughter Dates
Ella has often accompanied her father Ben to events over the years, like when she joined dad at the June 2023 Tribeca Film Festival debut of the short film Let Liv, which her mom Christine stars in. For the outing, the trio coordinated in different black outfits.
Previously, Ella served as her dad's plus-one at the 2022 Emmys, the 2018 premiere of Free Solo, the 2017 premiere of The Meyerowitz Stories and the opening night of the Broadway musical Groundhog Day.
In 2019, the duo went to the 2019 Golden Globes together to support Escape to Dannemora, the Showtime miniseries that earned Ben a nomination for Outstanding Directing.
Working Together
Ben opened up about his experience working with Ella on the set of Escape to Dannemora, telling E! he was "very proud" of his daughter.
"I was very happy it went well," the Zoolander actor said. "She showed me a lot of respect, which I appreciated because with a teenage daughter you want to be like, 'Don't be like how we are at home! Let's pretend we're actually nice to each other!' No, it was really a super positive experience for both of us."
Following In Her Parents' Footsteps
In addition to her small role in Escape to Dannemora, Ella has also made appearances in Hubie Halloween and Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb.
As Ben told E! in 2019, Ella "seems to have a desire to explore" an acting career.
Christine also spoke about Ella's decision, telling Us Weekly in 2018 that she never "discouraged" her from following in her parents' footsteps.
"She came out of the womb with a mission, and I was never going to get in her way," The Brady Bunch Movie alum explained. "She is a very strong-minded, strong-willed young lady, and she loves it. Obviously she was born into the world, but I think living in New York City, she has been exposed to so many incredible things and shows and so … she has the bug. There's nothing you can do about it, but I did not encourage it."
Calling Out Dad
Ben previously revealed that Ella had a conversation with him about "not being there" during her childhood due to his career.
"She's pretty articulate about it, and sometimes it's stuff that I don't want to hear. It's hard to hear," he explained to Esquire. "Because it's me not being there in the ways that I saw my parents [actors Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara] not being there. I had always thought, 'Well, I won't do that.'"
While Ben noted that it "didn't feel great" to hear Ella say that, he said it was "important to acknowledge" her feelings: "But then it's that thing that, like, I was trying to navigate my own desire to fulfill the hopes and dreams I had, too."
The Severance director went on to say that Ella and her brother Quinlin were never keeping notes on his absences due to work, they just wanted to spend quality time with their dad.
"What I've learned is that your kids are not keeping score on your career," he explained. "It would be solipsistic to think that my kids actually care about that. They just want a parent who's emotionally present and supportive of them. That's probably what they want more than for me to be going off and pushing the bounds of my creativity."
Not-So-Secret Swiftie
During an appearance on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Ben revealed Ella had turned him into a major Taylor Swift fan after she made him listen to the singer while he was teaching her how to drive.
"What really helped her was if we just played her favorite artist on the iPhone, and we just played Taylor Swift," he explained. "I was a fan, but I think now I'm a total Swiftie."
Taylor's music "would calm her, and it would calm me," Ben shared before going on to prove just how big of a fan he's become. "We got into the later stuff—Folklore, Evermore. 'Cardigan,' 'Betty' and 'August' all being about the same love triangle but from different points of view. And the characters are named after Ryan Reynolds' and Blake Lively's kids. And then the 'All Too Well' 10-minute Taylor's version from the vault."
Taking a Break
After filming Tropic Thunder with Ben in 2007, Christine chose to take a break from acting to focus on raising their kids.
"It never felt like a big decision for me," Christine said during an appearance on The Morning Call in 2010. "When I had Ella, my whole world changed. I couldn't believe how much love I had for this little creature. I wanted to be a part of it all. I didn't want to miss anything, and with Ben working as much as he does, I felt it was important for one of us to be the stability in the family."
Ben told Parade in 2016 that he felt "very fortunate" that Christine made that decision.
Healthy Family Habits
Ben and Christine decided to adopt a plant-based lifestyle more than a decade ago and inspire their kids to do the same.
"Ben and I make these green drinks in the morning and they look at us like it's from another planet," she told People in 2012. "I joke, 'Just join the party! Don't complain so much, just join us.'"
The Search Party actress went on to detail Ella and Quinlin's differing tastes, saying, "My daughter loves veggies but doesn't love fruit. My son loves fruit and doesn't love veggies."
Still, Christine wasn't giving up hope. "It's that thing where your parents aren't cool for a while and then suddenly they are," she explained. "We just kind of plant the seeds."
Out of the Spotlight
While Ella often attends events with her parents, Quinlin rarely makes public appearances, though he did attend the Project A.L.S. Benefit in 2018 with his family.
"This is his first event. I think he's just having fun with it," Christine told Us Weekly at the time. "Last year, our daughter came to the event for the first time and she encouraged him to come this year, and being able to make it fun and again the extended family that we've built and I think we've seen each other for 20 years and we've all watched our kids grow up."
Supporting Causes Together
Quinlin also attended the Project ALS 25th Anniversary Gala in 2023, and Ben and Christine have shared the causes they are passionate about with their kids.
"For them to come out on a school night," Christine, who sits on the board of directors for the organization, added to Us Weekly in 2018, "have a little fun, dress up, take some pictures, but then learn about an incredible organization, that's huge."