All Right, All Right, All Right
"My wife, Camila, who's not only put up with me for all this time in our seven years, and this last three years...she kicked my ass out the door and said, ‘Go get it Mcconaughey, go get it, my man, my king,'" he recalled as his wife smiled and shook her head in good-natured exasperation from the audience. "'Yes, ma'am, yes ma'am!' Kids: Levi, Vida, Mr. Stone [son Livingston]. Love you all!"—Matthew McConaughey during his Best Actor acceptance speech
And the Best Introduction Ever Goes to...
"Like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio"—Tina Fey's introduction for Leonardo DiCaprio, following his win for The Wolf of Wall Street
An Amusing Story From the Gravity Set...
"I want to thank you for not quitting when you thought that I have told you, 'Sandra, I'm going to give you herpes,' when I really meant to say, 'Sandra, I'm going to give you an earpiece.'"—Alfonso Cuarón sharing a funny story about Sandra Bullock during his acceptance speech for Best Director
Finally a Winner!
"I was not prepared for this. Wow! I've never won anything like this. Oh my gosh. I don't have a speech."—Amy Poehler
Honoring Woody Allen
"Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. A circle is round, it has no end. That's how long you're going to be my friend."—Diane Keaton
Lucky Liberace
"Matt Damon, the bravest, talented actor I've ever worked with. And the only reason you're not here is...I had more sequins."—Michael Douglas to his costar after winning the Best Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries for HBO's Behind the Candelabra
Most Honest Award About Her Shoes Goes to Emma Thompson
"I just want you to know, this red, it's my blood."—Emma Thompson about the bottom of her Louboutins
Shocked Samberg
"Oh, no! I didn't prepare anything, it wasn't going to happen. Who knew?!"—Andy Samberg taking home the award for Best Actor in a Comedy Series
TMI Acceptance Speech
"It was a very transformative role, I had to do a lot of things to prepare. One of the things I did was wax my entire body including my eyebrows. I'm just fortunate that it wasn't a period piece so I didn't have to do a full Brazilian [wax]. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about though…and so do some of you men, I think."—Jared Leto during his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor in Dallas Buyers Club
Because Someone Had to Make a Joke About Shia LaBeouf
"Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, so wise."—Jim Carrey
Finding Randy's Father
"Mom, is it him?"—Amy Poehler as "Randy," Tina Fey's illegitimate son and Mr. Golden Globe, asking if Idris Elba is his dad
"Is it him?"—Poehler to Harvey Weinstein
Golden Girl
"My daughter Aviana who's not old enough to understand this—but I love you so much. Thank you for teaching me to accept joy and let go of fear."—Amy Adams
Praising Nelson Mandela
"This man turned our life upside-down, right-side up, a man who refused to hate, not because he didn't have rage or anger, but that he thought love would do a better job."—Bono winning Best Original Song for "Ordinary Love" from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
It's Good to Be Bad
"Yeah Bitch!"—Aaron Paul after Breaking Bad's win for Best TV, Brama
Handling a Teleprompter Mishap Like Pros
"I'm not gonna lie to you, right now, they put up the wrong stuff on the teleprompter."—Jonah Hill
Who Is Matt Damon?
"It's me, the garbage man."—Matt Damon after Tina and Amy ripped him for "basically being a garbage person" in the star-studded crowd
S-Bomb Alert
"For those who have given me s--t, like my mother always said, 'Go to hell and don't come back!'"—Jacqueline Bisset after taking home the Globe for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie
Two-Time Winner
"It's so wonderful, so thank you and thank you to the cast, you guys are all so incredible and fun and funny and nice. Thank you to my family and my team and I'm sorry I'm shaking so much, don't ever do this again! Okay thank you, thank you!"—Jennifer Lawrence during her acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress
The Real Story Behind Gravity
"Gravity is nominated for Best Film. It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than to spend one more minute with a woman his own age."—Tina Fey
Julia Louis-Dreyfus Is a Film Star
"Hi, Julia! Hi Julia! You know us from TV"—Amy Poehler and Tina Fey to JLD, smoking an electronic cigarettre and sitting with film folks