Memorial Day
The news wants you to drink and drive.
Parrot
Hola, yo soy Parrot.
Marriage
I now pronounce you Trump Tower and Woman.
Pun
Somebody at this station was super proud of him or herself for this.
911
The cat was being attacked as well.
Winner
I wonder if he got a trophy, a medal or a championship belt.
Private Parts
That's private information...Constantly.
Education
C'mon, guys! Spell check!
Pie Chart
And 153% of people agree these polling numbers are off.
Surprise
Surprise! I'm not dead! You thought you had seen the last of me but here I am! On the news!
Hardon Collider
Advancing scientific understanding of boners since 2009.
Internet Trolls
Thank god for hard-hitting journalism, shining light on the truth.
Title will go here
Snarky comment about image will go here.
Gay
I don't see how that's relevant to the crime, but okay.
Bad Ad Placement
Poor choice, Philadelphia. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to hurl.
Half-Beard
Either they interrupted him mid-shave or there's an interesting new vigilante superhero on the streets.
Stealth Cop
Just remember: their vision is based on movement.
2105 Goals
Sometimes you just have to plan ahead for 90 years in the future.
Nice Shirt
Theory: this guy was sent there by whoever is on the other side of these protests in order to undermine their argument. Or he just really likes weed.
Lasagna
Do you remember where you were when Lasagnagate happened?
Uranus.
Heh.
Rap Allegations
Betcha they actually book him on those charges.
