17. The Arm Coat
Simple? Yes. Perfect for when a torso shot is necessary? Yep. Boring as hell? Indeed. People put their coats over their arms all the time. This is almost just a super normal thing for a person to do. Therefore, we are unimpressed. Hey, nobody ever said this list was logical.
16. The Unnecessary Chair
That chair isn't even a totally solid object, so we can still see Olivia's fabulous coat-covered stomach. We just really appreciate our own timing on this screenshot in terms of that graceful hand placement. Lookin' good, Liv!
15. The Handbag
This is almost as much of a tried-and-true method as sitting behind a desk or table—and not just on Scandal. Giant handbags are really the most portable and easily explainable belly-hiding accessory, and luckily, Olivia Pope must have a closet full of them—all perfect for holding multiple bottles of wine and a bulk pack of Tide To-Go Pens.
14. The Convenient Box
It's like the plot of taking down B613 was conceived entirely for the purpose of having a reason to put that box right there as the perfect temporary resting place for Olivia's magnificent arm. That's how you do television, people, by thinking ahead.
13. The Important Business Papers
We've got a sudden serious desire for one of those ENHANCE! machines from CSI because we want to read those business papers that are doing such a good job of hiding Olivia's torso. What does a business paper at OPA even say? Wouldn't it not be smart to write down any of the things that OPA does? Did they distribute a budget report after taking down B613? We're actually very curious about this and now it's all we can think about. It doesn't help that we work in entertainment journalism and have no idea what business papers say at normal businesses. Are they called business papers? We're distraught and we need help.
12. The Casual Sitting Position
Sure, we often sit in chairs half backwards, half-twisted sideways, ruining our spines in the process, but we are not Olivia Pope. We are simple plebeians, the unwashed masses, and Olivia Pope is a classy, poised, majestic warrior, as shown by the look on her face as she tells that phone how it is. Of course, she's got a wine addiction and an emotional attachment to two fairly problematic yet handsome dudes who are prone to murder, but Olivia Pope sits in chairs like the queen she is and this is not how a queen sits.
11. Scandal: By J.J. Abrams
We won't lie, that lens flare is a fairly efficient distraction from anything even close to Olivia's stomach.
10. The Where's-the-Camera Game
Does this just look like a normal shot? Maybe, until you consider the fact that Olivia is sitting on a couch with her body cheated out to her left, while the camera is shooting from behind her on her right, so she has to turn her head like an owl to have a proper conversation, therefore putting strain on her poor neck just for a moment of handbag-free peace. Rude!
9. Could Olivia Be Wearing Any More Scarves?
We actually have one important question about this—where can we buy that sweater? It looks supremely comfortable, and perfect for hiding all of our future pregnancies. More on this ensemble later...
8. The Plot-Required Lectern
We were distracted for a minute by Cyrus' devastating tears right before this moment, but then we were like, "Whoa! The plot actually requires Olivia to be standing behind a thing!" We give this lectern 1,000 points for being an actually necessary barrier between the cameras and Kerry Washington's stomach, and for not being a desk or dinner table.
7. The Well-Placed Dad
Good 'ol Papa Pope, always there when his daughter needs to use him for a camera shield, a reluctant office murder, or a casual takedown of Dunder Mifflin's evil twin, the Acme Paper Company.
6. Olivia Pope's Pillow Mountain
Not gonna lie, we're jealous of everything going on here. That sweater looks cozy. That blanket looks cozy. Those pillows look divine, and that couch looks utterly luxurious. This isn't really creative—in fact it's a bit lazy as far as belly disguises go, but it's the kind of lazy that we're so into right now, on a weekday at work, that we could fall asleep just thinking about being in Olivia's place right now. Well, not literally in Olivia's place. That woman has a lot on her plate emotionally and career-wise. But we would be willing to physically trade places with her for a nice afternoon nap with some cocoa and some smooth jazz and maybe a candlelit bath later...
5. The Naked Jake
Dang Olivia, you look so blissful. We'd basically be completely OK with it if you always hid your stomach under a comfy blanket and a naked Jake. Or just a naked Jake—no blanket necessary. You won't look preggers and he won't want to kill people...because he will be naked. Everybody wins!
4. Olivia Loves Lamp
Whatchu doin' back there, Olivia? This is a serious moment! Why are you lurking behind that lamp? Your love affair with that lamp is so enthralling that we're tempted to switch from shipping Olivia/Fitz or Olivia/Jake to shipping Olivia/Lamp. Hopefully that lamp is neither the President of the United States of Lamps nor the commander of a secret lamp-government murder organization. We think this is a step up.
3. The Presidential Knee
Scandal: A Completely Real Behind-the-Scenes Reenactment*:
Kerry Washington: Do you want me to hide my belly with this giant handbag?
Shonda Rhimes: No, you've done that 14 times already.
Kerry: How about the lamp? It's right over there, and it would be no trouble for me to go stand behind it.
Shonda: No, we need you on the couch for this scene.
Kerry: Are you sure? It really would be no trouble at all. I've done it before, in this same outfit, and I can do it again.
Shonda: No just sit there. We'll think of something.
Kerry: I think the lamp would really work.
Shonda: No, Kerry.
Kerry: But I love lamp.
Shonda: No, Kerry.
Kerry: YOU CANNOT DENY OUR LOVE!
Tony Goldwyn: I'll just put my knee up like this.
Shonda: Perfect.
Kerry: Fine. [gazes longingly at the lamp] [I Will Always Love You plays loudly, drowning out the entire rest of the scene]
*We made this up entirely.**
**If you didn't know that, we suggest you get sleep, food and/or immediate medical attention.
2. Saved by the Wine
Of course, one of our top picks for best bump disguise has to star Olivia's BFF, red wine, and that weird stooping position in which she is pouring it into her comically large glass (which we'd envy if we didn't sometimes receive Cougar Town swag). Plus, since pregnant women aren't supposed to drink wine, this is truly the ultimate proof that Olivia Pope, unlike Kerry Washington, is definitely not with child.
1. The Sextuple Threat
Now this is how you hide a pregnancy, ladies and gentlemen: a large sweater, at least two scarves, a large handbag, a bag of take-out food and a trusty bottle of wine, all at the same time. Just a minute ago, Olivia was also standing behind a door, rendering her baby belly basically invisible. Wow. We're so impressed. We're bowing down in reverence. We're also hungry for cheese fries and thirsty for that wine and wondering if we can get an invitation to this shindig at Jake's house, because if we can, we can bring a gift of more scarves and perhaps a portable desk (for the Gladiator on the go) to complete this flawless look. A+, Scandal. A+.