12. Jason and Maudette: The Pilot
Honestly, this is the tamest "likes it rough" we've ever seen, but good 'ole Maudette has the great honor of participating in the show's first ever full-on sexcapade right before she was unceremoniously murdered, so she deserves a spot on the list. RIP Maudette. We hardly knew ye.
11. Jason and Jessica : Season 4, Episode 9
How many hundreds of country songs have fantasized about sex in a pick-up truck? Are there any real country songs that don't involve sex in a pick-up truck? In any case, Jason and Jessica are living somebody's dream and doin' it next to a chainsaw. Not the craziest thing you've ever seen, maybe, but we can't see anyone complaining about a scene like this.
10. Eric and Nora : Season 5, Episode 1
Oh you know, just two ancient vampire "siblings" gettin' it on up against a dirty wall while their old pal Bill waits impatiently outside. When Eric's cell phone rang and cut their sexytimes short, we weren't sure if we were disappointed or relieved.
9. Eric and Talbot : Season 3, Episode 8
Remember that murder we mentioned? Poor Talbot just wanted to order his new vampire slave/friend into a non-mutual sex situation and instead got rudely staked in the back in a play for revenge. Horrible? Yep. But just look at those facial expressions and try to take anything seriosuly ever again.
8. Eric and Jason: Season 7, Episode 2
Dream Jason and Dream Eric are our new favorite Jason and Eric. To borrow a quote from the great Albus Dumbledore, "Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
7. Alcide and Rikki: Season 5, Episode 8
Something something super hot werewolf sex, he threw her across the room, etc. We'll be in our bunks.
6. Andy and Maurella: Season 4, Episode 11
Andy and Maurella's finger-light sex romp in the forest was a thing of strange beauty, mostly due to it resulting in a whole bunch of quickly maturing half-fairy children. Then Jessica ate most of them, and she was later nearly tortured with a fiery dildo. Television!
5. Sookie and Bill: Season 1, Episode 8
Bill: *crawls out of the ground naked*
Sookie: We shall have sex immediately!
Us: Uh, no. You will go take a shower, scrub your entire body with lava soap, and you are not allowed to come back here until you smell like a meadow, got it?
And that's why we're not on TV.
4. The Entire Town - season 2, episode 6
Season 2 had a lot of orgies. We sort of miss season 2. We're lying. (How about a round of applause for all of those extras, though?)
3. Eric and Ginger: Season 7, Episode 9
All of Ginger's dreams came true when Eric finally gave into her fantasy of sleeping with him. The result? Hilarity. Eric's lovemaking prowess was apparently so great that after 10 seconds, Ginger was basically paralyzed and able to do nothing but slide to the floor in a state of total, unadulterated bliss, and it was one of the greatest things we've ever seen.
2. Jason and Amy: Season 1, Episode 9
Ah, the Emmy-nominated Lizzy Caplan. That's mostly all we have to say about this scene (or any of the scenes) in which Jason and Amy take vampire blood and have crazed forest sex in the sky while their drained vampire prisoner watches sadly as they're really just doin' it on a dirty mattress in a basement. Janice Ian has come so far.
1. Bill and Lorena: Season 3, Episode 3
It's been four seasons and we still don't have anything clever to say about this scene which still haunts us at our weakest moments. Bill's a little terrifying. Based on Bill's two entries on this list, people should probably stop having sex with Bill. He's a danger.
PHOTOS: 19 TV characters who lasted way longer than they were supposed to