Angelina Jolie as the Great White
The great white is the most famous of all sharks, the king of the ocean. Or should we say, the queen? Which is why none other than Angelina could fill her mighty shoes. The great white reigns over the sea, while Angie handles Hollywood.
Reese Witherspoon as the Spinner Shark
While Angie might be the queen of the sea, Reese is master of the media. The Southern belle can put a spin on any bad press—like, say with a heartfelt apology following an arrest for drunk and disorderly conduct—to stay in our good graces.
Miley Cyrus as the Hammerhead
She used to be nod her head like yeah, but her next hit could include the lyrics, "Hammering my head like HELL YEAH." Miley's distinct new look—both the short blonde ‘do and her twerk-tastic new personality—are unmistakable, just like the hammerhead.
Kristen Stewart as the Nervous Shark
Whether she's nervous about the paparazzi snapping her photo doing who knows what or handling all those tabloid rumors (is she back with Robert Pattinson or not?!), K.Stew definitely has her fair share to stress about. What do you think the nervous shark is so nervous about, though?
Nick Jonas as the Swell Shark
Swell, swoll—same thing. The swell shark can expand its body to twice its regular size, while the youngest JoBro seems to have been doing the same thing at the gym: Check out his new and #diabeticinshape-approved bod. Damn. We repeat: Damn.
Britney Spears as the Basking Shark
While the basking shark basks under the sea, Britney is guaranteed to be close by, soaking up some rays of her own on the beach. The pop star practically lives her life in a bikini—we don't blame her either! If we had that body, we'd live in a two-piece too.
Taylor Swift as the Thresher Shark
T.Swift looks sweet—and she is—but cross her and she'll rip you to pieces, just like the thresher shark. Just ask any of her many famous ex-boyfriends, like Harry Styles and Jake Gyllenhaal and Joe Jonas, who have inspired one of her scathing Top 40 hits.
Jennifer Garner as the Cookie Cutter Shark
So sweet—look at those dimples! So domestic—Ben's such a lucky guy! So nice—she seems so friendly on TV! We could just imagine Jennifer and the cookie cutter shark in the kitchen, baking up some treats for their kiddie's soccer game.
Jennifer Lawrence as the Bluntnose Sixgill
There's a reason we love Jennifer Lawrence so much: She's blunt. But her bluntness has less to do with her nose and more to do with the uncensored, outrageous things that come out of her mouth. We have a whole gallery dedicated to the Hunger Games star's best quotes.
Snooki as the Leopard Shark
Here are a few of reasons that Snooki may be jealous of the leopard shark: (1) The leopard shark can spend all its time at the Jersey Shore, snacking on guidos and (2) The leopard shark gets to wear its leopard spots all the time, whereas Snooki has to go on shopping sprees to outfit herself in her beloved leopard print.
Kristen Bell as the Dwarf Shark
Her Twitter profile reads, "5'1 is the new 6'2." Need we say any more? The Veronica Mars star may be short (or dwarfy, like her shark alter ego), but we have enough love for a Kristen Bell at least three times her size!
Beyoncé as the Silky Shark
Everything about Queen Bey is silky: Her voice is silky smooth ("I can see your HaAAaaLoOOo"). Her silky freakum dresses. And her hair? Silky, shiny perfection, no matter whether it's blowing in the wind or caught in a fan. We assume the silky shark is just as fiiierce.
Mel Gibson as the Megamouth
If sharks could talk, we figure the megamouth would be swimming around putting his giant shark foot in his giant shark mouth. Kind of like Mel's rants of yesteryear. Then again, maybe the megamouth is just misunderstood.
Channing Tatum as the Bronze Whaler
Who better to take on the namesake of the bronze whaler than our very own bronze god? The Magic Mike hunk is always perfectly tanned, perfectly buff and perfectly perfect. Who knows, maybe the bronze whale was also named People's Sexiest Shark Alive.
Kate Middleton as the Graceful Shark
Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge is the epitome of grace. She's probably more graceful than the graceful shark, even. Whether she's walking a red carpet or walking down the wedding aisle with the whole world watching, she's the princess duchess we've all wanted.
Lady Gaga as the Frilled Shark
While some stars live their lives without frills, Lady Gaga says the more frills the better. Especially when it comes to her elaborate outfits. Though she's toned down her ensembles a bit of late, Gaga still rocks couture craziness better than any other pop star out there.
Justin Bieber as the Blue Shark
The blue shark may be named for its oceanic coloring, but it probably feels a bit glum too. And we wouldn't blame it: Sharks get a bad rap. Like the Biebs, who is always defending himself against the latest tabloid rumors and legal accusations. We're not surprised he looks so sad in his selfies.
John Mayer as the California Horn Shark
While the singer is seemingly reformed now—thanks, Katy Perry—he'll always be our favorite bad boy: Between his Playboy tell-alls ("sexual napalm," anyone?) and many tabloid romanes, it's not surprising he made our list as L.A.'s horn shark.
Sandra Bullock as the Angel Shark
Can you think of a gal who deserves the honor of being the angel shark more? Even with all the crap she's gone through, Sandy has dealt with it with humor and class. Plus, she adopted the most adorable baby boy in the process.
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