Season Two
"Most girls would be upset about being slapped in the face. But I happen to appreciate the drama of it."—Rachel
Season Two
"Santana told me never to speak alone with you because you would try to steal all of my gold."—Sam to Rachel
Season Two
"You kind of sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop."—Jesse to Finn
Season Two
"They must have sensed that I'm a lesbian. Do I smell like a golf course?"—Santana
Season Two
"She called the Ohio Secretary of State saying she was me and that I wanted to legally change my name to Tina Cohen-Loser."—Tina
Season Two
Howard: "Do I get a supervillain nickname?"
Sue: "Your nickname is Panda Express."
Howard: "But I'm not Chinese."
Sue: "Neither is the food at Panda Express."
Season Two
"See here's what's gonna go down. Two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts—right or left, that's your choice. Or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair."—Santana to Karofsky
Season Two
"No need to warm up, Rachel. I'm about to go wrap this thing up like a Christmas present."—Mercedes
Season Two
"When I'm done rehearsing, I'd like your feedback. Tell me if I was brilliant or simply outstanding."—Rachel
Season Two
"I'll never say goodbye to you."—Kurt to Blaine
Season Two
"These kids feel special; they have a voice, and if we don't listen to it, they just tune us out."—Holly
Season Two
"No longer concerned with facts, fact-checking, integrity or facts. The Muckraker's motto: If I heard it, it's probably true or something."—Sue
Season Two
"Once on a dare, I swallowed a thumbtack. And I'm about 90 percent sure it's still there."—Puck
Season Two
"OK. So sex...it's just like hugging, only wetter."—Holly
Season Two
"And now, performing the hit song "Tik and Also Tok," by rapper Key-dollar-sign-ha, New Directions."—Figgins
Season Two
"You ain't lived until you seen me in a cowboy hat!"—Coach Beiste
Season Two
"I flex my left pec, then I flex my right pec, and I say to the guy, ‘Leggo my Eggo.' And you know what he does? He let's go of my Eggo!"—Puck
Season Two
"Honey Badger, I am lactating with rage!"—Sue
Season Two
"Who's more rock 'n' roll than Justin Bieber? No one."—Sam
Season Two
"Celibacy, ladies. Dig it!"—Emma
Season Two
Jeremiah: "No one here knows I'm gay."
Kurt: "Can I be honest? Just with the hair, I think they do."
Season Two
"I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled."—Brittany
Season Two
"I've been looking for you forever."—Blaine to Kurt
Season Two
Katie Couric: "Thoughts?"
Sue: "I hate you, Diane Sawyer."