January 2013: Aw, Leo Loses Again!
The Great Gatsby's Carey Mulligan is nominated for an Oscar, while costar Leonardo DiCaprio isn't because she's British and he not.
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March 2014: Mad Men Ends, and Gets in Your Eyes
The seventh and final season of Mad Men premieres exclusively on the iLid, a new Apple device that wears like wrap-around sunglasses, but works like an iPad that you physically can't put down (as opposed to an iPad that you figuratively can't put down).
April 2015: 5,000 Shades of Grey
Following the box-office success of the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, starring two actors you haven't heard of yet, producers announce the next two books from the E.L. James trilogy will be split into three movies each, except for the last one, which will be made into five-and-a-half movies.
May 2016: Avengers Reboots Already
The Mighty Avengers, a reboot of Joss Whedon's popular superhero franchise, hits theaters before two months before the release of The Avengers 2, the first sequel from, um, Whedon's popular superhero franchise.
February 2016: Football Goes Owie-Free
On the eve of Super Bowl L, the nation's media giants fund the development of full-body, concussion-proof uniforms in order to ensure continued goodwill for the only remaining live-TV draw: NFL football.
March 2017: Happy Gilmore 4EVA
The latest Adam Sandler-produced comedy, Night Janitor, sees its Rotten Tomatoes score drop in real time as opening-night moviegoers weigh in from their armrest tablets. It makes $600 million that night anyway.
December 2017: Miley Has a Question
Old married lady Miley Cyrus, 25, wonders where all the paparazzi went. "Whr'z evrybdy??????," she writes via the ultra-character-count-limiting Mini-Twitter. "At Suri's," the paps write back.
November 2019: The Future Is Here—Finally!
The skies go dark, the androids run wild, and the world goes noir: Blade Runner was real! And it's totally true and happening!
December 2022: Another Avatar Record
Thanks to the arrival of IMAX 4-D, James Cameron's Avatar 5 scores a record-setting $900 million opening weekend on the strength of just two ticket sales.
February 2027: Lindsay Wins Oscar
On Oscar night, Lindsay Lohan, 40, earns a Best Supporting Actress statuette for her turn as mother Dina in a biopic of the star's own life. Soon-to-be Harvard grad Suri Cruise, 20, tells Oprah Winfrey she is a well-adjusted young woman who is grateful her parents acted in her best interest even as they went their separate ways. Oh, and DiCaprio loses again, sorry!