Old Dominion
"F--k you Old Dominion, suck my d--k"
Trace Adkins
"If we all just concede that Trace Adkins is an a--hole, can we move on?"
Darius Rucker
"I just heard a Darius Rucker country song, and I hate to be dramatic, but it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
Dan + Shay
"Sitting here thinking this song sucks and then I realized it was a dan and shay song and everything made sense"
Jana Kramer
"Would rather live a music-less life than hear Jana Kramer on the radio"
Chris Young
"Some say I should just ignore what I think sucks, so today I'm ignoring Chris Young's new album.
Florida Georgia Line
"dude from Florida georgia line looks like Clayton Kershaw if he gave up on baseball and started making s--tty music."
Lady Antebellum
"Lady Antebellum is the musical equivalent of getting kicked in the sack!"
Chris Stapleton
"Chris Stapleton proves that ugly people can still win awards."
Jake Owen
"Kinda feel like Jake Owen is a douche but idk"
Little Big Town
"Little big town sounds like they threw a bunch of cats in a bag and beat them around with a tennis racquet"
Justin Moore
"Justin Moore get some pants that fit bro I can see ur balls"
Gal Gadot
"gal gadot?????? imma be wondering why taht woman got not titties"
Emma Watson
"Emma Watson seems like the type of girl who I would be friends with for like 3 days and then get really sick of but not tell her"
Jake Gyllenhaal
"Jake Gyllenhaal has the most punchable face of all time. I'd like nothing more than to sock him in his ugly, soft, starry-eyed pug face."
Elisabeth Moss
"Elisabeth Moss looks STUNNING. I think she can clean up well, despite my grandmother's harsh opinion that she's hideous."
John Lithgow
"I bet that John Lithgow's ballsack looks exactly like is face..."
Dave Chappelle
"Dave Chappelle head don't fit his body nomore He forgot to exercise that milk dud on his shoulders That bitch tiny"
Jeffrey Tambor
"All frowning old dudes are Jeffrey Tambor to me."
Gwyneth Paltrow
"Can Gwyneth Paltrow just stick to steaming her vagina and shut the f--k up, for f--k's sake."
Jennifer Aniston
"Jennifer aniston is what happens when a bag of flour gets its big break"
Jim Parsons
"Jim Parsons looks like a ventriloquist dummy that came to life to become a sex offender"
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
"Jamie Lannister has a tiny d--k, pass it on #GameOfThrones"
Jennifer Lawrence
"I bet Jennifer Lawrence gives really unenthusiastic h--djobs"