Billie Lourd is focusing on the happier aspects of her life.
Nine years after the death of her mother Carrie Fisher at the age of 60, the Adulthood actress reflected on how different grief can be from moment to moment, saying that with the help of her son Kingston, 5, and daughter Jackson, 3—whom she shares with husband Austen Rydell—she was able to see a happier side.
“I started thinking about how this joy wouldn’t be possible without my mom,” Billie wrote on Instagram Dec. 27 as she recounted watching her daughter run around with her father Bryan Lourd. “This joy only exists because she existed. So even though she is not physically part of this joy, she is part of the reason for it. Even though she is not alive she lives on through this joy.”
The 33-year-old explained that while her “grief takes on many shapes” on this anniversary, “that shape is this joy I get to experience watching my kids with my dad.”
However, as Billie noted, the grief “could and will change shapes multiple times throughout this day,” writing that “grief is never just one thing.”
“But right now I am relishing in this bittersweet grieful joy,” the Booksmart actress continued. “As my mom wisely said, ‘Nothing is ever really over. Just over there.’ My mombys life isnt really over. Just over there—in my kids and in this joy I’m able to experience because of her. Thank you momby. I will never stop missing you.”
In the almost decade since Carrie’s death, Billie has been open about her experience mourning her mother—an experience she is now grateful she gets to share with others.
“One of the most gratifying and important things that I get to do is talking about grief,” she recently told E! News, “because people don't talk about it enough.”
“Before I experienced it myself I didn't have that many people that I could refer to that went through something similar,” Billie added. “So, it feels like a really important thing for me to do, to talk about in an honest way, because it's so complicated.”
And while her mother was unable to be there to meet Billie’s children, she made sure that the Star Wars alum’s legacy lives on through her grandchildren.
“A year ago, I showed them [Return of the] Jedi for the first time, and they were a little bit confused,” Billie shared with E!. “They're like, ‘Wait, that's my grandma?’ Like, ‘No, that's Princess Leia, your grandma's Carrie, but that's Princess Leia.’ And they were just so enthralled. I sat behind them and cried while they watched it.”
She added, “It's like the ultimate high budget home movie. For me to get to have those things and to get to show them my mom in those movies is so special.”
For a look back at some of the sweetest moments Billie and Carrie shared, keep reading.
Twinning
Billie posted this throwback photo on what would have been her mother's 61st birthday, 10 months after her death.
Baby Love
Billie posted this throwback photo on Mother's Day 2017, the first Mother's Day without Carrie.
All Smiles
The two share a sweet moment.
Billie Graduates
Billie poses with her mom and grandma Debbie Reynolds at her high school graduation.
May the Force Be With You
Billie and Carrie attend the premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which stars them both.
2015 SAG Awards
Billie poses with her mom and grandma Debbie Reynolds at the annual event.
Governors Awards 2015
Billie poses with her mom at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' 7th annual Governors Awards in 2015.