WINNING: Tyler C.
Tyler C. is officially our favorite, on and off screen. His Twitter account is delightful. His Instagram is delightful. He chooses his words to Luke very carefully. He loved that Hannah was down for naked bungee jumping, even if it wasn't with him, because he likes that she makes her own decisions. He brought her a bouquet of flowers in the middle of the group date. If Hannah doesn't end up with Tyler C., we will be first in the line that will surely form (if he's not the next Bachelor).
Peter
Well hot damn Peter the Pilot. That sauna date was indecently sexy, and Hannah and Peter just look so comfortable together. He seems fun, they have fun together, and we're very much on board with Pilot Pete.
Garrett
Garrett jumped to the forefront of the Luke situation last week, but this week he made up for it with a jump of a different kind. Even though they were absolutely terrified, he and Hannah went naked bungee jumping, and then had a really good conversation over dinner.
Then the Luke drama unfolded over that naked bungee jumping, but Garrett kept his cool as best he could in the face of a man who was not keeping his cool.
Mike
Mike's still there, still in the game, doing his best in the midst of all the Luke, still smiling that heart-melting smile.
Connor S.
Connor is still there, but he's barely spoken for weeks. We actually had to rewind the episode a couple of times to actually make sure he was physically still there.
Jed
Ohhhh Jed. Jed was doing so well, and still is on screen. Off screen...it appears he was perhaps even worse than Scott, the guy who Hannah dramatically threw out in the premiere for having a girlfriend. Jed allegedly had a girlfriend for four months before the show, and just wanted to promote his music career. Looks like he left that out of his little confession to Hannah about the music!
Onscreen this week, he really pulled out all the stops, even appearing at Hannah's window to sing her a song. He was then in Hannah's bed singing her a song, until she slowly pulled that guitar away...But can we just be honest and say Jed's made up song about Riga there at the end was the best he's ever sounded?
LOSING: Luke P.
"You going naked bungee jumping with Garrett felt like a slap in the face...but I just want you to know that I will support you even when you make boneheaded decisions" is basically the speech Luke thought was going to win him a date rose.
This man continues to impress with just how boneheaded he is. And yet he still ended up with a rose.
ELIMINATED: Dylan
Dylan seems great and has a pretty fun fashion sense, but he was very much on the sidelines throughout the season. We hope to see more of Dylan in the future.
ELIMINATED: Dustin
Dustin seems like a really nice guy who got to say maybe two words the entire season, which is unfortunate but not unusual this season. Maybe he can secure a spot in Paradise to prove he's a really nice guy?
ELIMINATED: Kevin
Kevin's two standout moments this season: Getting mysteriously injured during rugby, and accidentally discovering Hannah in Jed's lap in the castle. And now he is no more.
ELIMINATED: Grant
Grant is still just the unemployed guy who brought a hotdog to the mansion on night one, and now he's gone. Bye, Grant.
ELIMINATED: Devin
Devin, you never once made an impression and that is really too bad. We don't even know what "situation" Luke was referring to with you and Dylan. Good luck to you, Devin.
ELIMINATED HIMSELF: Luke S.
Luke S. didn't deserve this but he's probably got a bright future in Paradise. Hopefully his sacrifice was worth it and Luke P. will soon be gone.
ELIMINATED: John Paul Jones
John Paul Jones was only ever John Paul Jones, nothing more and nothing less. We will miss him. And if he's not in Paradise there will be a revolt. We need more John! Paul! Jones!
ELIMINATED: Matteo
We are so, so disappointed that Matteo never even spoke, let alone got to tell Hannah about the fact that he's fathered 114 children via sperm donor. What a letdown that fun fact was.
ELIMINATED: Jonathan
Jonathan is really going to have to step it up if he wants us to remember anything about him!
ELIMINATED: Joey
We still don't remember Joey, so either he got very little screen time or we've confused him with one of the other guys who looks exactly like him.
ELIMINATED: Cam
Why Cam got a rose in episode two after all his barging in is beyond us, and why Cam wasn't immediately sent home after losing it on Mike is equally beyond us, but Hannah came to her senses in episode three.
Our new catchphrase? NBC. Never. Be. Cam.
That said, there's no way that guy doesn't show up in Paradise.
ELIMINATED: Tyler G.
Tyler G. got the first one-on-one date of the season, which involved a helicopter ride and four-wheelers in the mud. He and Hannah seemed to have a fine time but Tyler G. made no impression on us whatsoever, and then Hannah announced that he had to leave. So bye Tyler G!
ELIMINATED: Connor J.
Au revoir, Connor J.
ELIMINATED: Matthew
Could not tell you a single thing Matthew did or said.
ELIMINATED: Daron
Goodbye Daron. We hardly knew ye. In fact, we didn't know ye at all.
ELIMINATED: Chasen
Hannah really likes his name and the paper airplane was a really cute choice. If only he weren't immediately shown up by Peter in his actual pilot's uniform, maybe he would have gotten a rose!
ELIMINATED: Ryan
Ryan rolled up on roller skates and then rolled right out of there into the night. :(