10. LuAnn de Lesseps, NYC
"Money Can't Buy You"...singing talent, despite fame and a producer with Auto-Tune. Nor does a ridiculous title (let the drag queens keep "The Countess") and a superiority complex mean you have class. But at least she does have some humility now, thanks to her now ex-husband's wandering ways.
9. Simon Van Kempen, NYC
The flamboyant fashionista is 10 times the Housewife as his spouse, Alex McCord. He devotes more time shopping for designer clothes and shoes (in all colors of the rainbow) than he does gossiping with the Bravo gals—which is a lot. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
8. Taylor Armstrong, Beverly Hills
The Mad Hatter of 90210 turned a birthday party for her 4-year-old daughter into a $60,000 celebration of herself. She doesn't shy away from injectables and other cosmetic procedures (even when they cause giant blisters on her face) because, she says, she is afraid her business partner husband will leave her for a younger woman. Which is really delusional, because sashimi has more warmth and personality than that cold fish.
7. Camille Grammer, Beverly Hills
Kelsey's ex is the B.H. version of NYC's Kelly Bensimon, directing her paranoia at Kyle Richards instead of Bethenny. But with four nannies (for two kids), a house staff, stylists and a sycophant BFF (probably also on the payroll), who can blame her for being so out of touch with reality? P.S. Camille's baby-voiced drawl is driving us mad.
6. Lynne Curtin, O.C.
SoCal's (before she was fired) perennially perplexed brunette insists she's not a "stoner." More's the pity, because otherwise she has no excuse besides crazy to explain her peculiar personality and questionable parenting—hiring a "youthologist" to discipline one spoiled daughter while bonding with her other girl via joint cosmetic surgeries.
5. Kim Zolciak, Atlanta
Look up the DSM-IV entry for "delusional disorder" and you may find a picture of Kim, who is convinced that (1) she's a musical genius despite all evidence to the contrary, (2) bling can safeguard her daughter's teenage chastity and (3) '80s-style tranny wigs are trendy.
4. Teresa Giudice, New Jersey
Turns out flipping a restaurant table was only a warmup...the rageaholic gave her boss a toss—Bravo VP and host Andy Cohen—at New Jersey's last reunion show.
3. Tareq & Michaele Salahi, D.C.
After getting to know the notorious grifters and pathological liars on D.C.'s inaugural season, their White House gate crashing was almost no thang. Note: Since Tareq acts as the ventriloquist for his wooden dummy bride, we have to count the delusional duo as a single Housewife.
2. Kelly Bensimon, NYC
Teresa Giudice's flipouts have nothing on Kelly's psychic break aboard the Good Ship Lollipop. Her unprovoked attack on Bethenny (calling her a "ho-bag" and a "creepy" cook, not chef) during a Housewives yachting trip was disturbing enough, but her jellybean-fortified non sequiturs—"satchels of gold" and "Al Sharpton!"—were downright terrifying. Ramona & Co. could no longer make "lemonade out of lemons" once Kelly said, "Bethenny was trying to frickin' kill me because she tried to kill me so many times before." Why didn't anyone do a 5150 intervention after these schizophrenic stylings?
1. Danielle Staub, New Jersey
Even though we were kind of over the prostitution whore's phony antics this season, we went cold with fear when she pulled a head out of her bag at the last reunion show. Sure, it was just a bewigged mannequin, but for a few seconds we expected to see blood draining from the neck of her latest victim.
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