Joey Bosa
"Joey Bosa looks like a dude who wanted to be a magician but his parents made him focus on football."
Maurice Jones-Drew
"J---s Maurice Jones drew is thicker than a milkshake."
DeMarcus Ware
"DeMarcus Ware Got That Giant Ass Head Looking Like A Jumbo Milk Dud."
Josh Norman
"F--k Josh Norman that buck tooth bitch can't cover s--t."
Rob Gronkowski
"Rob Gronkowski is one of the dumbest people in the world. I have no problem tweeting this because he probably can't read it."
Trace Adkins
"Just because you have a beard, a ponytail & a cowboy hat, doesn't mean you can sing. You know how I know? Trace Adkins."
Bonnie Raitt
"Bonnie Raitt looks like the aunt who would have a few too many at your mom's birthday party and try to fight your dad."
Randy Houser
"Randy Houser? More like Randy Hoosier. He sucks big dong. Huge dong even."
Cassadee Pope
"Cassadee pope would be 6,000% hotter without that s---ty arm tattoo."
Dan + Shay
"If you're going crazy over Dan and Shay you might as well take your c--k and shove it up your own ass. #notcountry"
Cole Swindell
"Hey Cole Swindell, eat a dick, i will not listen to your s---ty country playlist on @Spotify."
Jana Kramer
"Jana Kramer tries too hard with her Texas accent lol. Girl staaaap. You aint' fooling anyone."
Granger Smith
"granger smith is not cute..yee yee my a--hole."
Miranda Lambert
Florida Georgia Line
"The guys from Florida Georgia Line were engineered in a douche factory."
Jake Owen
"I went to jake Owen last year and was miserable as f--k. Lol s--t was super lame."
Little Big Town
"why does the blonde in Little Big Town have hair like a Zoolander villain?"
Brett Eldredge
"For some reason my mom is determined that @bretteldredge is always drunk… I don't know, maybe he is."
Hunter Hayes
"Hunter Hayes seems like the kind of guy that would drink Bacardi breezers from a water bottle then lie about what it was."
Maren Morris
"Maren Morris looks like Jennifer Lawrence less attractive sister."
Willie Nelson
"Willie Nelson, you're getting pretty crusty, pal."
Dolly Parton
"It's not a hooker convention, it's a Dolly Parton concert."
Chris Stapleton
"I think it's safe to say Chris Stapleton has an insane pubic hair situation. #CMAAwards"
Barack Obama
Barack Obama is the Nickelback of presidents.