Jaime Pressly: Best
"A little short. This dress shows more legs than you can find in Carnie Wilson's lunch pail."
Kat Graham
"Love the outfit—hate these shoes. I'm sorry I'm going to have to fake this shoe-gasm."
"These shoes aren't just ugly, they're 'Lyle Lovett ugly'."
Rihanna
"These are not a flattering cut. Are they supposed to be so baggy? How did this python get so stretched out? Did it swallow Melissa McCarthy?"
"3000 dollars! Plus the upkeep. You have to polish them, stuff newspaper in them, and worst of all feed them live mice."
Cameron Diaz
"It doesn't matter how much Grey Poupon you smear on it. A Sloppy Joe is just a Sloppy Joe."
Brooke Shields
"I hate the purple and yellow. She looks like Gary Busey's liver."
Florence Welch
"She's weird. I asked her 'Is that color called Indigo, or Violet?' and she said, 'Don't be stupid Joan. The color is Baby Born with the Umbilical Cord Wrapped Around Its Neck Blue. Then she jumped on her broom and flew away.
"Why does Florence always look like she's in a renaissance fair? You expect her to be holding a turkey leg and boffing a court jester."
Christina Aguilera & Matt Rutler
"Christina's wearing the only Halloween costume that looks better in the bag."
"The boyfriend went as one of the three musketeers and she went as someone who just ate an entire case of three musketeers."
"Trick or treating is no big whoop for Christina. Neighbors say she bangs on their doors all the time demanding treats."
Mena Suvari
"Look at those small boobies. It's like she planted titty seeds, but never watered them."
Halle Berry vs. Meryl Streep vs. Wendy Williams
"Catherine Malandrino said she designed it, but the Taliban is taking credit for this dress. It destroyed three beautiful American women."
"Black is beautiful, but Halle in this dress, Thomas Jefferson would have said no way."
"Meryl is the greatest living actress, but also a damn good eater. Do we know what she's done with all of her Oscars?"
"She needs to 'boot-scoot-boogie' back to her dressing room."
Naomie Harris
"The Bond writers are running out of ideas. Naomi plays 007's greatest enemy yet: An inconsiderate proctologist… Coldfinger."
"The dress makes sense. Naomie plays Mrs. Moneypenny and I can almost see the coin slot."
China Chow
"It would be perfect if China's hair was a little longer and she was Sofia Vergara."
"I don't mean to make fun of her name because she's actually my third favorite Chow after Puppy Chow and Kitty Chow."
Kim Kardashian
"She spent 2,000 dollars on that wig. It's human hair. From Khloé's back."
"The saddest thing about this is that Jessica Simpson thinks she went as Chicken of the Sea."
Emma Roberts
"It was just yesterday that Emma was a little girl and today she's a prostitute. Boy time just flies."
Victoria Beckham
"If she loses another half a pound she won't be able to hold her head up."
Isabella Blow with Philip Treacy
"She wore the crazy hats to keep people from kissing her. I think the face had that covered."
Nadine Velazquez: Worst
"Did you have to crawl through a fence or something at the border to get to that event?"
Isabella Blow on Lady Gaga
"You and I may think they look like complete idiots, but to Jacques-Yves Cousteau they're hot bitches."
"Look at those miserable expressions on their faces. There's a lesson to be learned here. Wearing seafood on your head doesn't make you happy."
Miley Cyrus
"Christina Aguilera has a very similar skirt but instead of city of New York, hers features the continent of Africa."
"That top is called 'a bra-let' and it's holding up Miley's boob-lets."
"Let me look closer, wait that's my apartment. I didn't leave my lights on. Oh fuck, I'm being robbed!"
Emma Stone
"Makes her look like a sexy hemorrhoid."
"She could be a stewardess for Pap Smear Airlines."
Camilla Luddington: Worst
"I don't see what's wrong with tucking in black. Ru Paul does it all the time."
"This was at Nylon magazines party for Young Hollywood. Or, as Woody Allen calls it, speed dating."
"I'm sorry but I think this is too casual. It's what Britney Spears' family would call formal wear."
Camilla Luddington: Best
"You are the new voice of Laura Croft in the 'Tomb Raider' video game. Did you know tomb raider is also the name of Demi Moore's new boyfriend?"
"You were at the Maxim Hot One Hundred Party. Did you win 'Hottest Brit' or did they give it to that tramp Helen Mirren again?"
"I love that color. Your dress is brighter than two thirds of Honey Boo Boo's family."
Jessica Biel
"The wedding had an impromptu 'N Sync reunion when the other 4 guys showed up—to cater."
"This photo was taken right before ex, Britney Spears threw rice at them. It was pork fried rice, but it's the thought that counts."
"I just want to say to them 'Good luck, Jessica and Justin. Here's hoping that of all the weddings you each have to look forward to in the years to come, this will be the one that was the best.'"
Chloë Sevigny
"That dress is so short I can see that she's wearing all of her hair slicked back."
"I haven't watched American Horror Story, but after looking at Chloë here, I'm going to go out on a limb and say she plays an uptight bitch with a weird face."
Mariah Carey
"The award was designed by Dick Clark specifically because he didn't want it used as a sex toy. (I sure wish he would have told me. Maybe then Melissa could have had a brother.)"