Brad Pitt & Juliette Lewis
"Rumor says Brad had terrible hygiene. It's not true! I interviewed him. I said, (gag), 'Joan Rivers for E!...who are you… (gag)...wearing…(gag)'"
Tiffani Thiessen: Worst
"Maybe it's just me, but I happen to think that underwear is like that ugly woman who does the voice of Bart Simpson. We're just better off not seeing it."
Tiffani Thiessen: Best
"You look great! You look just like a pine-scented air freshener. I just want to wave you over a cat turd. You probably get that a lot."
Sharon Stone
"Sharon was already working so hard on AIDS research. I don't know if you're aware, but it was from her own exhaustive research she proved—single handedly—you can not get AIDS from fucking monkeys."
Geena Davis
"First mullet. This dress has more ruffles than Lena Dun-'em's snack cabinet."
"By the way, I don't want to spoil Thelma & Louise for you, but the ending is a real cliffhanger."
Christina Applegate
"She looks like she's guest starring on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman in one of those tragic episodes when the school marm finds out it's not just a cough, but she's got syphilis."
Demi Moore & Bruce Willis
"She and Bruce are at the premiere of A Few Good Men, which, if I remember correctly, was also the name of Jeffery Dahmer's cookbook."
"They look so happy! Probably because they had no idea what their daughter, Rumer, was going to look like yet."
Cindy Crawford
"Leather strapping and lace cut-outs. Redbook Magazine ranked this number 46 on its list of, 'The most iconic dresses of all time.' And I ranked it number 1 on my list of 'Dresses I never want to see Rebel Wilson in.'"
"Cindy is 46 and she's gotten smarter. You know why she picked this dress? It's the lines, they distract from the ones on her face."
Roseanne Barr & Tom Arnold
"They were the original one-name super couple. You heard of 'Tom-Kat'? Well, meet: 'Tom-Fat.'"
"Bustier was coming in. And again leather for evening. Just look how chic they were. Tom was in a Tom Ford tuxedo and Roseanne was in a Jimmy Dean sausage case-ing."
"They just did a roast of Roseanne. (23 grown men threw their backs out trying to rotate the spit)."
"George, I want you to look at these three couples (Bruce and Demi, Tom and Nicole, Roseanne and Tom Arnold). Now, do you see why we can't let you gays destroy the sanctity of marriage?"
Katrina Bowden
"One is short, the other is long. It's like that kid in high school with the funny shoe."
Miley Cyrus
"They say girls who can't read or write should not wear pencil skirts, but Miley looks great."
Joanna Garcia
"You worked with Reba McEntire. I believe she would call this look "big city prostitute puuurty."
Taylor Swift
"One is short, the other is long. It's like that kid in high school with the funny shoe."
Cyndi Lauper
"You know, Christina Aguilera saw this dress and asked if it also came in refrigerator."
Nicole Richie
"I like velvet with studs. It reminds me of Elton John's bachelor party."
Joanna Garcia
"You were a character on "Gossip Girl." Did you steal any of your costumes? Or Blake Lively's costumes? Did Leighton Meester even have anything worth stealing?"
"I would make a joke about forgetting to take off the smock after you got your hair done, but you obviously didn't get your hair done."
Anna Kendrick
"Bad color for the skin-look. When you're that pale, you can't wear stool-sample brown."
"I don't want to be mean, so let me give Anna a compliment. Most people couldn't be covered in sparkles from their chin to their knees, and still stay that dull. Well done!"
Lady Gaga
"She's going too far. ‘Congratulations, asshole. You caught the bouquet, and ruined my wedding.'"
Katy Perry
"You know, Christina Aguilera saw this dress and asked if it also came in refrigerator."
Sharon Stone
"I just hope I look that good when I get to be her age."
"She's 54 years old and plans to be in "Basic Instinct 3." (Only trouble is if it features another beaver shot, they'll have to have the premiere at the Grand Canyon.)
"Love it! The shredded side is not only sexy, but it makes it easy for Sharon to change her catheter."
Ginnifer Goodwin
"The pattern! Does this or does this not look like a cake decorated by a crackhead?"
Kat Dennings
"Kat hired an assistant specifically to make sure her shoes match."
Sarah Hyland
"When Sarah was 21 she got a kidney transplant from her father. When I was 21, you know what I got from my father? The finger."
January Jones
"Too severe, and with that stiff layering, January looks like the hat I wore to Phyllis Diller's funeral."