Jessica Szohr
"The print is busier then Anderson Cooper's boyfriend."
Elle MacPherson
"Gorgeous, and I admire her nerve! Not only did Elle wear white to the wedding, she also ate all the shrimp! This bitch is my hero."
"I'm glad it's not Lisa Rinna in that dress. One sneeze and she would turn into a sprinkler."
Salma Hayek
"I like this dress--it's like a zebra with high blood pressure."
"Riddle! What's red and white and has a prenup?"
Tara Reid
"She looks like the most embarrassing mom at Girl Scouts, like she's gonna stumble in the meeting and say, ‘Ashlan, you have to ride home in the trunk because I met some new friends at the liquor store.'"
Christina Aguilera
"This picture caused a Hollywood scandal. When Britney saw Christina standing there, fat and sloppy outside of a convenience store, she got very upset. ‘Hey y'all! That's my thing.'"
Kate Hudson
"Kate looks gorgeous, and it's because she lost all that weight. There were tabloid rumors that Kate had an eating disorder. She's my good friend and she told me the rumors are totally false. In fact, they made her so upset that she threw up. (I wanted to ask: after every meal?)"
"Kate told Star magazine that she lost the baby weight by working out six hours a day. I wish she had done four hours at the gym and two at an acting class."
Courtney Stodden
"Courtney will get her own TV show called, ‘Here Comes Whorey Boo Boo.'"
"This girl is 18 and in the middle of the day, the members of KISS wear less makeup."
Jessica Szohr
"I love the front, but I don't love the giant bow in the back. It looks like you're gift wrapping your ass."
Katey Sagal
"You won the Golden Globe that night, which means you showed up with two golden globes and went home with three."
Kristin Scott Thomas
"I don't get it. Last week we had Nicole Kidman showing us that women can be sexy at any age, and here is Kristin Scott Thomas with the rebuttal."
"Everyone greeted her by saying, ‘Oh hi Kristin… oooh my God what happened! Have you been shot!?'"
"What is Kristin so proud of? That menopause hasn't hit her yet, or that she refuses to wear tampons?"
Florence Welch
"Ugh, are growth spurts the worst or what? Florence is always so unhappy." "I'm not saying this outfit is too loud, but Marlee Matlin walked by with her fingers in her ears."
Ke$ha
"She is probably going to give that poor cat flea."
Lady Gaga
"Gaga got in trouble a couple of weeks ago with PETA because of that big mink. Here she is saying, 'Look, no fur.'"
"She looks 'full sized' so we know it's not Eva Longoria."
Tyra Banks
"Don't go to a sleepover with this one, she snores all night. '(snore) me-me-me-me-me-me.'"
Erin Wasson
"I don't love it. Parkinson's is less severe than this dress."
Ricki Lake
"Here comes Chubby Boo-Boo."
"Even congressman Todd Aiken called this an abortion."
Ashley Greene
"Dress is classic. Great color. After years of Donna Karan designing for Barbra Streisand, it's amazing to see what she can do when not working with a pain in the ass."
"Love the slit. That slit is higher than Rosie O'Donnell's cholesterol."
Bar Rafaeli
"Bar went from Leonardo DiCaprio to Shawn White. That's like a guy going from Bar Rafaeli to Shawn White."
Wendy Williams
"Let me give you a compliment. You look like Halle Berry- after an eating binge."
Nicole Richie
"I love the skirt. But I'm furious because I bought 100 tickets at the Shaquille O'Neal Charity Foreskin Raffle and this bitch bought one and she walked off with the prize."
Johnny Weir
"(And that's spelled W-E-I-R no 'D.')"
"Did you know when Johnny was little, every morning his parents would drive him 16 miles to skating practice. Isn't that amazing? What's really amazing is that they also went back and picked him up."
Elizabeth Moss
"I thought this was a little boy playing dress up. I was waiting for his mother to come in and say, "Take that dress off, junior, and get into your little league uniform. If your father sees you again in this he'll beat the shit out of both of us."
"Elizabeth is at the premiere of For a Good Time, Call... For a good time call movie-phone and get tickets for anything else."
Nicole Kidman
"Here's a test. Guys, if your eyes are drawn to where the big "V" is, you are probably straight. If you are wondering if the title of the magazine is V or Five you are definitely gay."
Nicole Kidman
"Just goes to show you a woman at any age can be beautiful. With a ton of Photoshop."
"These photos were airbrushed so much the papers have windburn."