Peaches and Cream
His partner, "Strawberry Shortcake," is wanted for six counts of murder.
Just a Bit Late
This is neither "breaking" nor "news."
Drive By
"Reporting for Fox 31 News, this is—huuuuEEEUGHHHH!!"
Tornado
That tornado was so strong it sent that house back in TIME.
You Did That On Purpose
Somebody needs to rethink their acronyms.
Bacon Wrapped Gator
Fun fact: Sub in "Florida" for "Australia" and this is still 100% believable.
Sneaky
I see you, parentheses.
Stroller Pushing
Also pleaded guilty to being drunk for 2/3 of her life.
Picnic Table
"I WAS MAKING LOVE. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!" - Murfreesboro Man
Sister's Facebook
It took 3 hours and 4 officers to figure out how to "unlike" The Soup.
Big Cat
Also saw a big man, a big truck, and a big building! It was quite the day.
Eat Beard
So... is this a scheduled event that I should purchase tickets for or....?
Tinder
"Hey maybe we should read what's in this b-roll for this package?"
"It's Tinder. How bad could it be?"
Crying
You won't need them after hearing this report.
Squirrel
So the squirrel stopped running in circles, right? Problem solved.
Alternatives
The most honest thing reported by Fox News.
Upset Over...
When you're drunk enough everything's a weapon.
Poor Choice of Words
Hailed as heroes by the carjacker.
Experiencing a Fire
"We will return in a moment... FROM THE GRAVE!"
Texas Man
A superhero for the people... of Texas
Earthquake
"And I thought last week's tornado was our neighbor's sex-crazed adult son running around the trailer really fast."
Sexual Predator
Can cloak like the real Predator so please be cautious.
Trolls
Study: Studies Unnecessary and a Waste of Everyone's Money
21th in Science
E=mc2th